So, about a month ago I was broken up with. I was going through a really tough time and I know my actions were irrational. No one was abusive, no one was really “mean” as it were but the whole situation was one big confusing cloud. She tries to be friends with me and actually does a good job. Here’s the thing though… In my head I reread conversations where she says that she didn’t see a life with me. I also have read statements that say she still cares about me. Its difficult for me to reconcile those two things. I want to be hateful and mean spirited but she’s done nothing really wrong.

Day in and day out I keep thinking. If not me, then who? There’s always another person. Your brain can tell you mean things in a way that lets you believe it. It isn’t until you say these things out loud that someone can call your brain out for being mean unnecessarily. I’m having to try to believe that she cares while also understanding that I’m not fit to have a life with. Yeah, Yeah, I know those weren’t her words or how they were meant but… you know what this is mine and Star Lord’s space so we’re gonna say it this way. By the way he’s here on my desk napping away in front of the mouse.

I know the feeling is known as Cognitive Dissonance.

Yeah, i know I’m supposed to just take her word for it and whatnot. I don’t take things on faith too easily. Apparently that’s something my oldest daughter has more of a grasp of than I do. I don’t have a lot of people to talk about this with, and if I did I would be beating a dead horse as the saying goes. I just don’t quite know how to accept new information that clashes with what I believed to be true in the first place. I want to be confrontational but at the same time, I understand that how I’m feeling is a pretty normal thing and must be worked through on an individual basis.
As far as Star Lord goes, he threw up this morning but has been fine ever since. I guess sometimes you just gotta wake up and puke out all the bad stuff to make room for the good stuff. Plus get in my way while I try to type this blog out.

Most people experience cognitive dissonance and don’t really understand what’s happening in their brain and they tend to cling to the long held belief that they had. I think this may be out of some fear of the unknown but, I don’t really know for sure. I don’t like people all that much. However, with all this being said, I know this is a short one so I’ll ask this question to get your mind going a little. Can you name some times where you think you may have experienced this phenomena? If so, did you embrace the new information or try to be willfully ignorant of it? I tend to lean into the new info if I can, no matter how jarring it could be for me. I would ask that anyone that reads this, at least try to embrace the new information no matter how difficult a pill it is to swallow. Drink some more soda and get that bitch down, it may be important. Well, until next time, ole P. Biscuits and the big Star Lord (S.L. for short) are hopping off to do some gaming and general fucking around. See yall next week.

” Wisdom is tolerance of cognitive dissonance.”
– Robert Thurman